Insecurities....blah!

Definition of insecurity (n)

in·se·cu·ri·ty

 [ ìn sə kyrətee ]   

1. insecure condition: the state of being unsafe or insecure
2. unsafe feeling: a state of mind characterized by self-doubt and vulnerability
3. insecure phenomenon: an instance or cause of being insecure

Insecurity is a state of mind characterized by self-doubt and vulnerability. From personal experience, I’ve come to realize that another definition of insecurity can be an individual’s over-awareness of a physical attribute that they cannot immediately change. For my entire life, I’ve struggle with my smile, specifically my teeth. They’re crooked. And I’m the only one in my family that has this problem! My parents, and all my siblings have beautiful smiles, with gleaming white, straight teeth!

To any of you that have straight teeth, this may not seem like a big deal, but only because you have straight teeth, so it’s not something that you have to worry about! But to someone who has suffered with an imperfect smile, due to crooked teeth, pictures are always such a stressful event for me, because now that I’m married, my beautiful wife, and thankfully my children as well, have gorgeous smiles, with wonderfully white, straight teeth!

About a year and a half ago, while working for FedEx and having awesome insurance, I got braces! I was so excited about it, that I even wrote a blog about how having straight teeth would change my life! Lol. Yeah, I thought all my problems would be solved because obviously people with straight teeth have no problems at all!! Lol.

Since moving to Provo, attending BYU, which meant quitting FedEx over a year ago, I haven’t had insurance, which meant no orthodontist appointments, which means broken brackets, and missing wires in my mouth. Having all this hardware in my mouth is really just an insecure young man trying desperately to hold on to the dream of finally have straight teeth!

It’s been over 1 year since I’ve seen an orthodontist, and I’m finally accepting the fact the I may never experience, at least not in this lifetime, what it feels like to have straight teeth. What it feels like to smile with confidence! What it feels like to stand next to your beautiful wife and kids while a photographer tells your family to smile, and not feel completely insecure, and as the definition states: vulnerable.

Perhaps when I’m completely done with school, and am in a position financially I will get this taken care of. By then I’ll be in my late 30’s and I’m sure, I will not be any more secure or confident with myself then, than I am now, but only time will tell. Maybe then, I’ll be bald and over weight as well suffering from other ailments associated with aging, that my smile will be the least of my worries lol, who knows. If I could just find an orthodontist that could at least take these useless brackets off my teeth so I can finally enjoy biting into an apple or corn on the cob!

Until then, I will enjoy the beautiful smiles of the little ones that call me dad, and hope they never get crooked teeth! And in the likely event that they do get crooked teeth, I hope I’m in a position then to get them braces early on. I’ll just keep my lips closed, hiding my insecurities in each family picture, until I have insurance again, or when our earthly bodies are perfected in the next life. Which ever comes first :)