Definition
of insecurity (n)
in·se·cu·ri·ty
[ ìn sə kyrətee ]
- insecure condition: the state of being unsafe or insecure
- unsafe feeling: a state of mind characterized by self-doubt and vulnerability
- insecure phenomenon: an instance or cause of being insecure
Insecurity is a state of mind characterized by self-doubt
and vulnerability. From personal experience, I’ve come to realize that another
definition of insecurity can be an individual’s over-awareness of a physical
attribute that they cannot immediately change. For my entire life, I’ve
struggle with my smile, specifically my teeth. They’re crooked. And I’m the
only one in my family that has this problem! My parents, and all my siblings
have beautiful smiles, with gleaming white, straight teeth!
To any of you that have straight teeth, this may not seem
like a big deal, but only because you have straight teeth, so it’s not
something that you have to worry about! But to someone who has suffered with an
imperfect smile, due to crooked teeth, pictures are always such a stressful
event for me, because now that I’m married, my beautiful wife, and thankfully
my children as well, have gorgeous smiles, with wonderfully white, straight
teeth!
About a year and a half ago, while working for FedEx and
having awesome insurance, I got braces! I was so excited about it, that I even
wrote a blog about how having straight teeth would change my life! Lol. Yeah,
I thought all my problems would be solved because obviously people with
straight teeth have no problems at all!! Lol.
Since moving to Provo, attending BYU, which meant
quitting FedEx over a year ago, I haven’t had insurance, which meant no
orthodontist appointments, which means broken brackets, and missing wires in my
mouth. Having all this hardware in my mouth is really just an insecure young
man trying desperately to hold on to the dream of finally have straight teeth!
It’s been over 1 year since I’ve seen an orthodontist, and
I’m finally accepting the fact the I may never experience, at least not in this
lifetime, what it feels like to have straight teeth. What it feels like to
smile with confidence! What it feels like to stand next to your beautiful wife
and kids while a photographer tells your family to smile, and not feel
completely insecure, and as the definition states: vulnerable.
Perhaps when I’m completely done with school, and am in a
position financially I will get this taken care of. By then I’ll be in my late
30’s and I’m sure, I will not be any more secure or confident with
myself then, than I am now, but only time will tell. Maybe then, I’ll be bald
and over weight as well suffering from other ailments associated with aging, that my smile
will be the least of my worries lol, who knows. If I could just find an
orthodontist that could at least take these useless brackets off my teeth so I
can finally enjoy biting into an apple or corn on the cob!
Until then, I will enjoy the beautiful smiles of the little
ones that call me dad, and hope they never get crooked teeth! And in the likely
event that they do get crooked teeth, I hope I’m in a position then to get them
braces early on. I’ll just keep my lips closed, hiding my insecurities in each
family picture, until I have insurance again, or when our earthly bodies are
perfected in the next life. Which ever comes first :)
