Homosexuality.
This post isn't about Church doctrine. It isn't about LGBT rights. It
isn't even about changing your views or beliefs. Rather it's a post of
my journey towards personal enlightenment and this never ending path of
bettering my self. I wanted to post my comments as it's own post, be
realize this topic isn't for everyone, and those interested, have
already posted on this thread. Discussion is welcomed:
We
had Dr. Bill Bradshaw, a retired Microbiology professor speak to us
earlier this week. He is a former Mission President of the Hong Kong
mission, served in the Stake Presidency and various other church
positions as well. He presented to us studies, tests and real life
evidence of how early embryonic development can drastically change the
outcome of a child. How various testosterone's introduced during
specific stages of development cue the body to begin developing cells
that are exactly the same after fertilization, to begin specializing into
various organs like a liver, stomach or heart. The absence of these
testosterone's can have a huge a effect and the cause as wide spread as a
cell not receiving the signals, or perhaps the testosterone's are unable to
enter the cells during this stage. He presented tests that heterosexual
men and women generally did better at, and how homosexual men and women
seemed to follow the exact patterns of their heterosexual opposite. If
you're gay or know someone who is, you can relate to these findings, and
know exactly what Dr. Bradshaw is talking about. What he was trying to
prove, was homosexuality is not a choice. People are born gay. To say
that people are "not born gay because that means God made a mistake, and
God doesn't make mistakes" is an outdated fallacy, and one that can be
extremely hurtful. What I took from his presentation is, life is far too
complicated for our feeble mortal minds to comprehend. There is no one
answer. He presented a case of an individual that looked (physically)
like a women yet she suffered from a disease called AIS (androgen
insensitivity syndrome) which prevents an embryo to develop the male
organs, even though the baby has XY chromosomes and should develop into a
male, develops into the default sex of a female. Most people don't are
unaware of this until they hit their teens and their parents take their
daughter in to the doctors as to why she hasn't began the female
processes that come with adolescents and tests will show that
genetically she is a male. Again, the complexity is beyond our
comprehension.
Later
in the week we had a panel of 3 gay students here at BYU who are also
LDS. "Jeff" who is gay, "Mike" who is bisexual and "Jenny" who is
lesbian. Both men were converts to the church at ages 15 & 16. Both
knew they were gay, and knew the church's stance, yet could not deny
their testimonies and knew that they wanted to serve a mission someday
to share the gospel message with others. One served in the Netherlands and the
other in Ukraine. After their introductions I was the one who asked
most of the questions. I asked questions like, Does it offend you when
someone says 'that's gay'?, How did your homosexuality affect your
mission and who on your mission knew? and the question that affected me
and our panel the most that I asked was, How will the path of your
sexuality and the path of this Gospel, cross and at which point will you
decide, if you decide at all, that the paths must separate?
Jeff
responded that he will put his future in God's hand. If there is a
female that he is to be with, than he wants to know, a sign from God. If it doesn't work
out that way, he'll deal with it at that point. Jenny said that she
envisions a day when she and her wife, will be able to pick their kids
up from primary, and sit together as a family in sacrament. To most of
us these might seem a far way out or impossible at that. What got me was
Mike's response. He said that he knew that he would eventually find a
man that he loved and wanted to be with forever, and marry. He knew that
by doing this, this path and the path with the church would end and he
knew that he would be excommunicated. He knows without a doubt, that
Joseph Smith was a true prophet and he did restore the gospel in
these latter days. He also can't deny these feelings. If it is a
"challenge" as some say, can you change your attraction towards the
opposite sex? Because I was the only one in my class with children,
Mike's answer affected me in a very different manner than it did the
others.
I
have children, that I love more than life itself! I would literally lay
down my life for them, and promise to do everything in my power to help
them live a long, healthy, happy life. I would have such a difficult
time knowing that my child has a testimony of the church, yet knows that
he will have to be excommunicated if he acts on these desires. The
church's current stance for homosexuals is abstinence or celibacy. I
just had a hard time putting myself in the shoes of the parents of these students. I
love my wife and the relationship that we have. I couldn't imagine one of
these students having to go through life, without a spouse or partner or
at least not sharing the type of loving and nurturing relationship my
spouse and I have, whether it's with the same sex or not. This is perhaps why
Mike knew that he would eventually get married, even if it meant
excommunication.
There
is a woman in my class, who confided in me, that she was in fact gay.
She is married to her husband in the temple, but loves him for the
person that he is and the person he makes her by bringing out the best
in her, yet she is attracted to females. I'm not sure how it all works,
but for them it works, and I'm happy for her that she was able to find a
person and a way that her path of same gender attraction and path of our
church doctrine was able to co-exist. Many people are not able to find
that compromise in this journey.
I
grew up in a Tongan dominated, west
side Salt Lake neighborhood of Glendale that was not very conducive to homosexuals, and the truth is we just didn't know much. Maybe it's not homophobic, but
it sure isn't talked about. Not in our culture, neighborhood, or
religion. The beginning of my enlightenment, surprisingly began with my
military service which was a very homophobic (I hate that word by the
way) yet I served along side many soldiers who essentially saved my life
in certain situations in Iraq, and it wasn't until after our deployment
that I learned they were gay. Had I known they were gay, maybe I
wouldn't have gotten to know and appreciate them as a human being first,
because I wouldn't have been able to get over that barrier, albeit was
only a barrier for me, not them. Then I came home and married my wife,
who was many cousins that are gay. Specifically when I met her first
cousin Eldon Johnson, he absolutely changed my entire outlook, as I gained a
love for him because I saw how much he loved everyone else around with,
without judgement and very Christ-like even to those that judged him and
even shouted vulgarities to him and his boyfriend, without even knowing what an amazing person he is. So, to Eldon, Thank you for helping me
come this understanding, when I first joined the family over 10 years
ago!
The most
alarming part was the statistics of homeless young adults on the streets
that come from LDS families, the statistics of young adults who
contemplate or attempt suicide, who are members of our own families. I
can't imagine what any of you had to go through when dealing with these
questions. Noni, Kaho, my family who I love, I wonder about your
stories as well and know that you are surrounded now by loved ones who
matter. I admire your strength. This post was just about learning to
love our family for who they are, family. Because some day, if your own
flesh and blood, your own child, comes to you to tell you this, first I would
be happy that we have a relationship where my child is comfortable
enough to talk to me about this and secondly I would love them. Because
we loved them before we knew this, why would it change? It shouldn't.
To call yourself a follower of Christ, then turn away from a loved one, is incomprehensible. That's all folks. I hope I haven't offended anyone, again these are just
my opinions, nothing more. Just love each other without placing
judgement because many things are beyond our comprehension and understanding
of our mortal minds. Our just, loving, Father in Heaven, knows all.
This I do believe.