Friday, December 30, 2011

The Great Debate

The issue that I find myself facing every single day is time management. In order to be successful in completing our family goals, we need to prioritize. We have to decide where we will spend our time, and money, which family events we should or have to go to, which items do we deem a necessity and or need and which are just a want. Often our culture dictates precedence of certain family functions to attend and not attend. There are some events that are optional, and some that you wouldn’t dare miss simply because showing face, in our culture, actually goes a long way.
So the issue that I, and all other parents, is how much time should you spend with your family, and how much should you spend at work. Obviously if there is an opportunity to work longer hours to make more money, then by all means, stay at work longer, and make that money to provide for your family. Currently I’m out of class on our winter break in between semesters. This extra time out of school would allow me to spend more time at work, longer days delivering packages, therefore giving me a bigger check. However, with the extra time, I can’t help but get excited at the thought of a short work day, to rush home and see my wife and kids, and plan a fun filled day with activities at somewhere like Classic Skating, or Jungle Jim’s!
The responsible thing to do in my position would be to stay at work, actively look for opportunities to make more money at work, by picking up routes or stop for a longer day. The responsible thing to do would be to save as much money as possible right now, because when classes start, I’ll be working less so that I can rush to class staying at school longer to study which means less time all together with my kids. Those are what a responsible adult would do….I’ve never been very responsible, and I still do not consider myself an adult really, so I’ve decided to do things a little different:
This whole week I’ve been getting off early so that I can be home with my kids. I sit in my living room and wait as each child wakes up and runs from their bedrooms to the living room, screaming good morning to me! Kime is usually the first to wake up, followed by Lote, then baby Koti, and finally Teki as he is usually the last to go to bed. They all walk down the hallway rubbing their eyes, looking for something to eat. Each one is surprised to see me sitting there, as I usually go straight to school from work. These mornings with my kids, I cherish as I know the time is approaching fast, where they will be driving themselves to High School and leaving so abruptly from the house, they won’t even notice me sitting there waiting to greet them.
I’ve opted out of the responsible thing to do, make less money, and spend more time with my kids during this short two week break, because I think of them the entire day that I’m at school or stuck in the library studying. Often time while reading one of my books, a thought or memory of my kids doing something hilarious will pop into my head, and I’ll laugh out loud drawing awkward stares from fellow students in the library wondering what could be so funny in a biology book that would make an individual laugh out loud. It’s usually at those times that I call home just to hear my wife or children’s voices to hold me over til the end of the day. More often than not, the suspense of throwing my children up in the air or hearing their laughs is too much, and the thought of them, typically signals the end of my studies for the day, and jump in my car and rush home to see them.
Like I said, I’ve never been very responsible and I don’t really feel like an adult, and my decisions reflect that. I have less money, this holiday break then I should. I understand the statement “Starving Student” but my kids don’t ever have to know what that means. I love them all too much for them to ever know, these struggles we go through as parents, are all for them. And this, is the great debate.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

End of the Year

          While I have a second to myself this morning, I've decided to just write down a few random thoughts as we close out this 2011 year. As a family, my beautiful wife and I just turned 28! our son Sateki is 5, daughter Salote is 3 and will be turning 4 Jan 10th, son Kime is 2 and completely potty trained! and we added a baby boy to the family that we name after my brother serving in Ft. Worth TX, little Heikoti Lao!

          We have a few goals, and milestones we hope to reach this up coming New Year. I graduate from SLCC with my AA and having completed all my Nursing Pre-req classes as well! My wife wants to celebrate, but I don't think this accomplishment warrants a celebration. I've still got plenty of schooling left, and the very difficult classes lay ahead of me. She reminded me although it's just an Associates, it will be the first college grad on bothsides of our family, so I guess it's a big deal. My reasoning against a celebration is, college students in a 4 year college, don't have a celebration when they finish their Sophomore year in College....do they?

          At any rate, I have to complete my application to BYU asap! My cummulative GPA just dropped to 3.41 after this last semester which may sound bad to many, but if you knew my past GPA's you would be elated! lol. Going the route I plan with my schooling, medical no doubt yet unsure which specific direction to take, going to the U of U would be the wisest decision. However I can't help that I've been a Cougar fan my whole life, and the oppurtunity to call my self a Cougar, is irresistable. Even if I don't get in, at least I tried. Even if I get in and don't finish there, at least I tried. Even if I just get accepted, get my student ID and then go to the U just so I can say I was a Cougar, that'd be good enough for me! lol.

          That's all for now. Just a few notes to remind me where we were at the end of 2011. I want to be able to look back and read these blogs to remind my family what we were doing and the progress we were making in life. We do have a lot to work on, but slowly and surely, we're pluggin' along! Happy New Year's to all of you. I hope this New Year fills your homes with love, laughter and blessings!

Monday, August 22, 2011

I hope it's all worth it

     It's been a while since I've posted anything. Not because I've had nothing to write about, actually quite the opposite. We've been sooo busy. It's 11:15pm and my sick wife, and 4 babies are all in bed. The house is quite and I'm able to gather my thoughts. Yet in the silence my thoughts are how much I love my family and how I couldn't imagine my life without them.
     Fall Semester begins on Wednesday and I'm a little nervous. These next two semesters will be tough. Last semester was the first time since I don't know when, that I've gotten a 4.0! I didn't want to make a big deal because I didn't think my classes were that difficult but my wife (for some reason) thinks that it's a big deal. A big deal for me will be if I can pass these next two semesters, graduate in May and continue our plan, and my education.
     I think I've enjoyed these past few weeks off from school and with my family more than I could ever put into words. The struggle and decisions that I go through everyday is wanting to spend more time with my family, but I know I have to work and go to school to provide for them a better life in the future. I feel like I'm missing out on valuable time with my children as they are growing up. Often times life can get stressful and I hate myself when I take my frustrations out on my kids. My lil' best friends. I hope this is all worth it. They say money can't buy happiness, but if it could buy me more time with my family, I would be very happy.
     You see, I have a very difficult time spending any amount of time away from wife and kids than necessary. I miss my family when I'm at work and school and think about them constantly. I hate to sound cheesy but I laugh out loud in class when a thought of my kids doing something funny pops into my head. I still get excited when I haven't seen my wife all day, and I pull up to my house and see her on the porch waiting for me to come home. I do still get butterflies in my stomach at the thought of her beautiful smile. I pray this never changes. A very convincing argument for me in gaining my testimony, was how much I love my wife and kids. Why would God want something so perfect to end here on earth? Why should 'til death do we part' make any sense? Exactly, it doesn't!
     Anyways, they are my motivation. They drive me. My wife and kids make me a better person. A better Man, husband and father. It's difficult. Life is difficult. Why would it be any other way though? How could we celebrate triumph without a difficult, nearly impossible path to our goal. I just hope it's worth it. When we reach our goal after all this schooling is done, I hope it allows me a job where I can attend the sporting events that my kids will be involved in. I hope to have Saturdays off so that my little family can go on camping trips, fishing, boating, BBQing and hunting trips. Yes hunting. Anytime alone with my family is quality time. I hope to provide a life for my family where our worries are how we can help other's in need because our needs are met. I hope that we can find ways and opportunities to serve others. I hope my kids can worry about their classwork and activities and not worry about food or clothes because I will cover those necessities. Above all, I just hope that these struggles we face day in and day out.....are worth it :)

Monday, April 25, 2011

BRACES!!

I went to my first of many appointments with my Orthodontist today. Normally, one would hate an appointment like this but I was quite excited. I will be getting braces! and I can't tell you how excited I am! I'm sure it'll be painful, and I'm sure I won't be able to eat half of what I'm eating now, but the end result is all I'm thinking about!

For people that have beautiful, straight, white smiles (everyone in my family, parents, sibilings and their spouses and children and inlaws EXCEPT ME!) straight teeth are something I'm sure you take for granted! I've been self conscience about my smile since 4th grade, when the eventful afternoon in elementary triggered this whole dilema:

I was eating an apple during lunch time, and I had a loose tooth. I bit down on the apple and out popped the loose tooth at an awkward angle. I was always told that loose teeth have to be pulled out with great care, because if they are pulled out crooked, they will grow back crooked. (there may or may not be studies to support this, I was just told this as a child and have taken this as law) As soon as I saw the new tooth growing in at an angle I cursed that stupid apple! I knew from then on, my smile would never be the same!

I always had low self esteem, and this was one of the reasons why, along with a number of other physical attributes I inherited from my Tall Father! lol. I never smiled with my teeth showing, I hated talking close to people or strangers as people would notice, my imperfect teeth! I hated pictures, school or family. This really is something that I've had a hard time dealing with, and you people with straight, white, gorgeous teeth will never know.

So I day dreamed my future as I sat there in the reception area of what would happen after this is all done! I pictured a commercial like the Windows 7 software where there is a person telling a story about themself. They are a normal looking or slightly less attractive person telling a story, and in the dream or reenactment there is a handsome or attractive looking person playing them as they narrate their story. Well, here's my story:
A young polynesian man walks slowly towards the Orthodontists office, dragging his feet, with his hands in his pocket, shoudlers down, starring at the ground. He stops in front of the office and sighs as the stresses of life weigh heavy on his mind. If only there were something that could fix all his problems. Just then he looks up and see's a sign in front of the Dental Office that reads "Stress holding you down? Crooked teeth the source of all your problems? Well come on in and let us solve all your problems!" He runs in, signs the paper work and takes a seat in the dental chair. Just then the dental assistants strap his hands and legs down for his own safety for the pain that the Orthodontist is about to inflict. Nervously he sits, then the Dr. steps in masked up with a welding mask on. He steps up to the chair and turns on the saw, Sparks fly everywhere as this is the most extensive procedure he has ever seen! 15 minutes later, I step out the chair a new man. I turn around a smile at the camera with pearly whites that sparkle and light up the whole room. Then Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson thanks the Dental staff for their hard work and walks out the building a New Man! All of the Rocks (Me) problems are solved! With his new grill, nothing can stop him or get him down!

I will say that I'm pretty stoked to get this grill fixed, and will post pictures of the before and after! I will be all smiles in a few short months! Wish me luck!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Teaching My Son about Race

"Did you like that palangi lady's house son?"

"What is palangi dad?"

"Palangi means white; she was a white lady."

"What are we dad? Are we palangi?"

"No son, we're Tongan; we're brown."

"Tongan?" he asks puzzled. He points to the brown stripes on his flannel shirt. "Is this Tongan?"    

My family has a pickup truck they use as a utility vehicle. It is a 1992 Ford F-150 with mud swamper tires. It's pretty beat up, with rust marks along all the wheel wells, faded maroon paint and the seats have tears throughout with the foam protruding out where ever it can find sunlight. He handed me the keys and said if I could register it, I could have it. Gee, thanks I guess? I never knew how valuable this truck would become to me and my family. As a trade in, a dealership would probably point and laugh, and pay me just to take it off the lot. However, in my family, this truck's value far exceeds its Kelly Blue book listing. Because we use this truck to serve others and the road trips can be miles away, it creates a comfortable environment for my son and I to converse. This truck is invaluable as it creates a safe haven for me and my 4 year old son to contemplate life's deepest questions. One such event took place last month when my son asked about race and the dialogue that followed.

I thought very carefully about what I would say and the direction I would take this conversation. I realized that situations very similar to this play out around the world every day, between father and sons. This pivotal moment in my son's perception of the world and his own cultural identity were at stake. I had the opportunity now, as many fathers in this position have, to pass on ideals of bigotry and close mindedness, to fill his mind with poison and ethnocentrism and corrupt this blank canvas. OR I could use this opportunity to teach my son the beauty of the human race. To teach him we're all brothers and sisters of different shades and levels of melanin under skin tissue made up of 99% same DNA. And to paint a beautiful mural, on that same blank, innocent, canvas of all the colors in the world. No pressure though, it's not like I could turn this child into a racist by a simple misunderstanding or a slip of the tongue. It's not like his lifelong behavior and attitude about ethnicity rested on this moment alone. Wait, it does rest on this moment. I'd better take this time to enlighten my son, as his memory of our heart to heart conversations, were photographic.

"Son we're Tongan because Nana and Papa were born in Tonga, and they moved here a long time ago. The palangi lady's family comes from somewhere else too, but we're all the same. We're human beings." He smiled softly as he looked out the window in to the sky, as if he was being reminded of something he had known for ages.

    I remember the moment I taught my son that we were human beings just a few years earlier. I never thought I'd need this crucial bit of information to explain to him what different races were. He was eating a bowl of cereal and he finished the bowl until there was nothing left but milk. He placed the bowl on the ground and started to lap the milk up like a cat. I told him to pick up his bowl. We are humans; only cats drink milk like that. Immediately I could see through his eyes, the gears in his head turning. Thus another barrage of deep, life questions began which lead us to our conversation about race.

    As a father, it is a big day, when your child can come to you for answers to questions that he has floating in his head. It is comforting to know that he trusts you and feels comfortable talking to you about tough questions. The fact that I'm the only adult in the truck right now, and the only person who can answer his questions is not important. I like to think we have a great relationship and it will never change. Often I would take him to run errands with me so that we could have these conversations. I know that in the near future, quality father and son time like this will become scarce.

    Now that I'm grown with a family of my own, I don't spend much one on one time with my own father anymore. Our conversations are now about my children and the issues I'm dealing with. Questions of parenting styles and experiences are the topic of our conversations now. However I can remember when I would ask my father questions to life's challenges and problems and I just knew that my father had all the answers. He showed me the value of teamwork and equal partnership in a marriage. Dialogue and conversation between father and son was welcomed, and he enjoyed answering my foolish questions of Who? What? Where? And Why? I feel this is why I am able to continue this type of parenting with my son.

    My son and I are sitting in line, against the wall at Ray's Barbershop on 2100 East and 1300 South. We're waiting for my cousin Red, a popular barber here in the valley because of his skill in cutting designs using one's hair. My son loves to have designs shaved in the side of his faux-hawk and the attention it brings him. The barbers and patrons are predominately minority, as it takes a special barber and training to cut ethnic hair. Several flat screen TV's are playing a variety of major sports events. Pictures of special haircuts and do's and a photo album of famous people who frequent the Shop adorn and decorate the walls. A young black man in his early 20's walks up to me and asks,

"Are you waiting for Red?"

"Yeah, my son and I are getting fades."

"I'm gonna get designs in my head right here" my son points to the right side of his head.

    The young man nods to Red to let him know his place in line, and takes a seat next to me. There isn't really a number system at the Barbershop, the Barbers just take a mental note of the order that customers come in. They can still choose which order they want to serve the patrons. Just as the young black man stands up and walks towards the vending machine, my son turns to me and whispers,

"Dad, why is he black for?"

    I chuckle, here we go again. I would've never known that the questions this brilliant child asks would educate me far more than it would him. With each question and conversation we have, it makes me step back and evaluate my position on such topics as race, science and politics. My son has taught me so much, and continues to open my mind to the innocence he possesses and the excitement and positive outlook he has on the world around him.

"I love your truck Dad, its huge!" he doesn't notice the $60,000 2011 Toyota Tundra next us at a red light. He doesn't care about the rusted bedsides, or broken window knobs. He'll never notice that the radio is missing out of the dash which allows us to have these conversations instead of listening to meaningless garbage, some call music now. To him, this is the best truck in the world. I completely agree.

"Son, when you're 16, you can have this truck! What do you think about that?"

"That's a good idea!" He smiles at me from his booster seat, a foot away, and looks to the road as we continue our drive down I-15.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The One That Got Away

I would like to just jump into this and see if this Blog Therapy helps. I don't mean to anger or offend anyone, but know these are my feelings, and this blog will be quite personal. As most of you know, We have been blessed with three very beautiful and bright, intelligent, rambuctious children. A few weeks before my youngest son Kime turned 1 on June 22nd, we found out that we were pregnant expecting our number 4! The rest of the story gets a little foggy as I've tried to forget about it....
Tonight my Wife and I were cleaning up our room (a never ending process) and we came across a zip lock bag with three pregancy tests in them and the nubmer 4 written with a marker on the outside. My wife has saved all the positive pregnancy tests of all our children, including number 4. I know, some may think this is weird maybe even a little gross but we are so excited each time we find out we will be bringing in another soul into this world, specifically our family!
She held the bag up and said very softly "This was our number 4" we paused and the room suddenly felt very empty as quiet filled the room. My eyes teared up. "The one that got away" I whispered. We refer to our baby as She. Pua and I are convinced she was a girl. A little sister for my daughter Salote. It was too early to tell as we were only about 10-11 weeks along. The whole miscarriage at the U of U hospital was quite dramatic. I almost lost my wife that day. I saw the embryo and could not help but speak to this small developing body as if She could hear me. I knew she couldn't but who cares, She was still ours, and I felt she needed to hear her parents loved her. I can remember thinking, when my wife passed out in the ER bathroom, I'm going to lose my wife and baby. How am I supposed to raise my three kids without their Mother? Without my wife and best friend? She is the rock of our family. Just then the doctors and nurses rushed in and revived her with peircing pokes to her sternum to wake her up. I felt like punching the Doc in the face! It's 2010 and we've made leaps and bounds in Medical technology, and the only way you can revive her is by jabbing your fingers in her chest? really? but it worked. An assistant rushes to the bathroom as we move my wife to the bed. He then stares at the ground and calls for help in "cleaning up." "What is it?" I ask anxiously. "A doctor will be with you shortly" he relpies then rushes out the door. My wife, groggy, asks whats wrong. I tell her I think they found baby. We embrace and begin to weep in each others arms. The 15 year old looking doctor walks in the room and tells us what we had already expected. We weep uncontrollably again. He tries to comfort us by saying it was the body's way of telling us something was wrong. It still hurts so bad. Guilt sets in as I think of the doubt I had in  my mind when I first found out that we would have 4 kids under 4. Was I being punished for being ungrateful? Should I not have had these doubts while my wife was pregnant? Could this unborn child have heard these thoughts, and did she have feelings of regret coming to an unsure family? But I did want her, so bad and now more then ever! I wanted her know that we would love her! We would take care of her and our family would make it. Some how I would do everything in my power to provide for my family, even if it killed me! But it was too late. She was gone, and their we lay in our room alone to ponder our lifes priorities, and thank the Lord for our blessings. My wife was ok. But she wasn't clear yet. They rush her to the 4th floor for emergency surgery as she loses an enormous amount of blood, and she won't stop bleeding. They prep her for surgery and we wait nearly an hour for the docs to finally wheel her in. During this time, she is shivering. Her face is colorless, her lips purple. She continues to have heavy contractions but She has no meds. She is the strongest woman I've ever known. They wheel her in and I wait in the in the lobby.
While waiting an operater over the intercom asks "If there is an LDS Priesthood Holder available, please go to room C202." I'm sure this hospital is full of Priesthood holders, someone will go. I'm waiting for my wife to come out of surgery. 30 minutes later the announcement is made again. Reluctantly I aproach the surgery receptionist and tell them I'm going to give a blessing, if my wife comes out before then let her know where I am. I rush to room C202. By this time the patient in the room has waited nearly an hour for Priesthood to show up. She is an elderly woman from St. George visiting her family and suffers a heart attack. She is a new convert to the church of only 2 short years. Another Gentleman and his wife walk in the room surprised to see me there and ask if a Priesthood Holder was needed in this room. I'm wearing street clothes, unshaved face, long curly hair sticking out my fitted cap turned backwards on my head and eyes blood shot red from crying. "I am hear to assist in the blessing as well. My name is Bro. Lao. Thanks for coming Sir." They ask why I'm at the hospital and I tell them my wife and I just lost our baby. I begin to cry again, then I'm reminded that I still have my wife. They comfort me, we talk. Then quietly we perform one of the most powerful priesthood blessings I've been a part of. I was meant to be there at that exact moment. That blessing brought comfort to more then just the grandma from St. George. I was reminded of the Power and Authority I held. I was reminded that my family was eternal. I'm not sure about the intracasies of which spirit children will be ours and which will not be. I don't know the exact stance the church has on miscarriages, but I believe I will see this one again.
Shortly after leaving the blessing I was informed that my wife was in recovery. I went to her room and waited at her bedside. For the first time in over two days, we both rested. Upon waking up, the pain set in. We were in the labor and delivery section of the hospital. We could hear the sounds of joy from other families that were welcoming their newborns. Yet we sat there in our room. Just the two of us. This time, for the first time, we would be leaving empty handed. We had some visitors, just close family members. I did not want to see a single person because I didn't want to hear "I know how you feel, I've had a miscarriage before too." You don't know how I feel. I promise you don't! A counselor came in the room to offer us advice. I hate psychologist and therapist. What the hell do they know. Hurry up and give us your card and leave us alone. But she did leave us with valuable advice that I use to this day. She said "people will say stupid things that might hurt. They might say 'I know how you feel' and you might get angry. Just know that they don't mean to hurt you. They're just trying to say what they think they should say. Just know they care and their intentions are good." To this day I keep that bit of advice with me.
We are stronger and closer today then ever before. I'm happy to say we will be welcoming our number 5 on July 4th. Pua thinks its a boy. I'm just excited we are still blessed to have children. Thanks for listening, tune in next time. I can't wait to see my daughter, The one that got away :) 

My first Post

This is my first experience with blogging and I must say, I'm pretty excited! I don't have any followers, and don't really care. I'm not writing for anyone. Just me :) And perhaps my wife and kids should I die unexpectedly. My wife, for some reason, finds me interesting still and said she was pretty stoked as well that I would finally start blogging. As I understand it, blogging is like an online journal made public to all who want to view. I will be posting thoughts as they enter my mind, and interesting conversations that I have with my Wife and Children that may provoke thought to those who read it, or remind Me of our children as they grow. Happy Blogging!