What's in the Name?

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When President George Albert Smith was young, his deceased grandfather George A. Smith appeared to him in a dream and asked, “I would like to know what you have done with my name.” President Smith responded, “I have never done anything with your name of which you need be ashamed.”

What’s in the name? My name is Kime Tuipulotu Lao. I was named after my maternal grandfather, the late Kime Tuipulotu Kinikini. I share his first & middle name. Because he was such a well known and well loved man, I am often mistakenly called Kime Kinikini by the older generation Tongans that knew my grandpa because the unique names are synonymous with each other.

             The name Kime is very much a family name, in fact I’ve never heard of any other person or persons with that name except from my grandpa and the many relatives, such as myself, that were named after him. I’m not even sure where he got his name from, although I’ve always speculated he was named after an early Christian missionary that may have visited the friendly island kingdom of Tonga, from which he originates.

            More times than I can count, upon hearing my name, strangers immediately knew my family history and genealogy, my parents, grandparents and from which village in Tongan each came from. It was amazing! I can remember riding the bus home in 3^rd grade and walking home to my grandparent’s house during a snowstorm. A young Tongan woman pulls up to me, rolls her window down and asks my name. I politely tell her my name is Kime and she interrupts and says to me “Oh, Kime! I’m your aunty! Get in the car and I’ll drive you home! I know where your grandparents live! How are grandpa & grandma doing?” And without hesitation I get into a complete strangers vehicle, and luckily she takes me right to my grandparents house!

            This exact scenario has played out many times in my life, and later as a young adult I would run into people who knew my grandpa and who’s lives had been touched so deeply by him, they continued to break down as they shared their connection and story with me, about my grandpa.

            For this reason, I’ve always felt nameless. Not like a person without a name, but more of an individual blessed to call myself after my grandpa Kime, an amazing man. I felt that the name was still his, not mine. I am called Kime, but the name is still his. It’s like running outside of your house into a rainstorm, and you grab your father’s jacket to wear to protect you from the storm. Even if your father let’s you keep the jacket, and no matter how long you have the jacket, in your mind the jacket is always your father’s.

            Likewise, my name has never really felt like my name. I have always felt privileged to bare my grandfather’s name. Like the modern day LDS prophet George Albert Smith, who had a dream that he met his grandfather, of the same name, hoped that he had made him proud of by his works and kept honor and dignity to his name, I too hope that when I meet my grandpa Kime again, I will be able to look him straight in the eye and say ‘Grandpa Kime, I’ve tried my best to uphold the honor and dignity of your name, by living a similar life of love and service.”

            I hope that my son (who I named after my grandpa, Kime Kinikini Lao, and not myself) has similar experiences of strangers walking up to him, upon hearing his name, and say to him “Kime….I knew a Kime once, he was a very kind gentleman.” I hope that my Uncle Kime and my several cousins that bare the name Kime Kinikini feel the same responsibility that I have and choose to honor our grandfather’s name accordingly.

            For this reason, I can remember taking great offense when others would intentionally mispronounce my name. It is an unusual name and very easy to confuse with many names more feminine like ‘Kim’ or ‘Kimmy’. Few things in this life could bring as much anger in my heart than to have someone purposefully make fun of my name, not because I feel like they’re making fun of me, but because I feel they are making fun of my grandfather’s name, who was a wonderful man! Of course they don’t know the weight that is tied behind the name, or the meaning or importance that I carry with it, which is the reason I can stay calm amidst other’s ignorance and lack or respect for a name.

            As I began, what’s in the name? For some, it’s something that sounds nice, or pretty. For others it’s completely random, spur of the moment type of decision. For many it’s to commemorate an event like a sibling on a mission, or other momentous event going on during their life. For my little family, each name is tied to an individual that mean a lot to us. My older brother & grandpa Sateki, whom my oldest son is named after, my wife’s maternal grandmother Salote Lasini Wolfgramm who was battling cancer when my daughter was born and who’s name my daughter now shares, my grandpa Kime Kinikini, who my 2^nd son is named after and my youngest son Heikoti, born when my youngest brother was serving his mission in Texas, the only missionary of us siblings. Everyone has different reasons behind the question, What’s in the name? 

           

My strength through the storm. My Wife :)

           As a family we’ve run into struggles, obstacles and difficulties that we did not expect. We had been living the family/student/work/church life for the last two years in West Valley while attending Salt Lake Community College and although we struggled, we always came through ok. I believe we will be ok regarding the current issues we’re dealing with because God is always aware of us, and our struggles. We face these struggles each day for a reason. It’s difficult to see the reason while you’re facing an obstacle. In fact, I can’t tell you the purpose of what’s happening now, but I know we’ll be ok if we keep pushing. The key to life is to never give up. I wish I could say that I’ve never wanted to quit or give up but that would be a lie. Which is why I’m writing today.

            Without going into too much detail, we are now facing struggles bigger than we have in the past. I have again started to question the path we’re on and the direction we’re headed and wonder whether or not we have what it takes to pull through. One thing I’m so grateful for is the problems we’re not facing! We are all healthy, all six of us! My relationship with my wife is wonderful, healthy, growing and ever evolving! Looking at the problems you’re not facing is a great way to be grateful for all that you do have.

            Last month, I had enough with this college life. I let the situation get the best of me and I wanted to give up. I just wanted to surrender. I wanted to quit; and this time I was very serious. White flag in hand and at the ready position to start waving in surrender. This is certainly not the first time I’ve wanted to quit, and most definitely wont be the last but this time I had no strength or will to see past the storm. I wasn’t able to look at the silver lining as I have done so many times in the past. This is where my wife comes in. She fills me with confidence and encouragement when I cannot find it from within myself. If it weren’t for her, I would have quit a long time ago and returned back to Salt Lake and started looking for a job and plan B or plan C.

            You see the value of a healthy, loving marriage is immeasurable. How can you put a price tag on words of encouragement? How can you put a value on a relationship where the other person involved makes you want to be a better person every day? You can’t. At the end of a tough day, week, semester she believes in me. When I am full of doubt and question, she holds steady and reassures me that we’re in the right place at the right time doing the right thing, and if we can just weather the storm everything will be fine.

            You see as the head of this family, it is my responsibility to keep calm amidst the chaos. And for majority of the time I play that role as best I can. But those few times where I am emotionally, spiritually, physically exhausted from the struggle, she comes through with that extra wind. She’s my reserve energy to finish the race. Like a marathon runner hitting ‘the wall’ at mile 13 with another 13 miles remaining in the race and they suddenly get that 2^nd wind and finish the race strong, that’s what my wife is to me. However she’s much more than my 2^nd wind in this marathon; She’s my 3^rd and 4^th and 5^th wind because this race we’re in isn’t defined with a finish line, it is however a series of races and obstacles that we face day in and day out.

Along this race we will need to continually push each other, finding the good in each day, taking the lessons from each conquered obstacle and applying it to next steep hill placed in front us. We have to stop occasionally to smell the roses on the side of the road to the top, appreciating the beauty in this journey. We have to boost each when we see the other is struggling. Metaphorically place their arm over our shoulder and continue to run. Remembering always that when we’re both struggling we need not look any further than into the eyes of our most prized blessings, the ones who call us Mom and Dad, and understand that although we are not perfect, and we do have faults, in their eyes we can do no wrong. I am so grateful for my wife and everything she does for our little family.

I can see why our church leaders push our YSA and RM’s to get married. Not only is it about happiness and love, it’s about having a partner that can push you through the difficult times. It’s about being that support for them on their rainy days. I’m grateful for her and search everyday for the reason why the Lord blessed me with such an amazing eternal companion.

I consider myself blessed each day I come home to my beautiful wife and kids. It’s my prayer that we can continue to be that rock for each other, and I pray that others can find what they are looking for as well, to experience this happiness and completeness that I feel with my family. Just feeling blessed through the storms and thought I’d write these random thoughts down.

Again, as with most of my blogs, these thoughts are mine; unedited, no revisions or rough drafts; Straight from my mind, through my fingertips and onto the computer screen as a reminder of what I was thinking or feeling this particular moment in time. Have a blessed day family!

Do you treat your eldest child any different?

            Do you treat any of your kids different than you do your other kids? If you do, what is the reason? To be honest I do, and I’m not sure if it’s cultural or societal, or maybe a combination of both.

            I come from a family of 6 kids, 3 boys and 3 girls. You could say we’re the Tongan Brady Bunch as our order is boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, however we’re all from the same parents J The oldest child is my brother Sateki, followed by oldest sister Makuliti and then Me and the rest of my siblings. Growing up I could see that Sateki was treated very different from the rest of us. Being the oldest child, and a boy, he bore a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. If he did good, we all celebrated and tried to follow his example. If he made a decision contrary to what my parents have taught us, it seemed that he was made an example of to teach the rest of us a lesson as well. With this in mind I believe we come to earth in a particular order for a reason. I have no doubt in my mind that my brother was meant to be the oldest, because of his leadership qualities, his love and patience for us and his ability to communicate with our family and take lead when my father is not there to make a big decision.

            In my own family, I see that I do treat my oldest son, who I named after my older brother Sateki, very different from my other kids as well. Admittedly, I am very hard on him. I push him to make good decisions, I correct him when he makes bad decisions and the reason is: his younger siblings are watching and following him. Am I wrong for doing this? Should they all be treated the same? I’m not sure of the correct answer, but I do know that I put a lot of responsibility on his young 6 year old shoulders as the eldest of my children and I do expect great things from him, as I do all my children, but especially him as he will be setting the example for his younger siblings.

            Perhaps I’m harder on him as well, because I know his potential and I want him to live his life accordingly to reach his potential. I’m sure as parents that’s all any of us want. I’m sure that’s all our parents wanted for us. Sometimes I have to step back and remind myself that he’s only a kid, and that I need to just chill out and let him make mistakes and be a kid. Sometimes I know that I’ve been too hard on hm. These are the times that I pull him aside and tell him how much I love him and how great he is now, and how great he will be.

            Again just a few random thoughts from a father learning new things every day. Have a blessed day family!

Keeping The Language Alive

We had a discussion in my Tongan Language class today that I felt was rather interesting. The topic was how quickly our language can be lost growing up in a country other than the one your parents were born in; for me it’s being born and raised in the U.S. and my parents who were born in friendly island kingdom of Tonga.  

I wish that my parents spoke to us in Tongan more, during our upbringing. Maybe it was because they moved here and struggled with school, work and life in general trying to learn English. For them, teaching us English would only benefit us, as it is the language here. Then again, we would learn English anyways from school and our friends, why not teach your kids your native language in the home, and raise them bilingual? Quickly I had to take the blame off parents because in my household, my older brother and sister speak and comprehend Tongan very well. We were raised in the same home, and I think it was the effort that they put into understanding and learning the language outside of the home that made the difference. Whenever we would visit our grandparents they would try to speak Tongan to them whereas I could understand my grandparents well, I just chose to respond to them in English, afraid of making mistakes in Tongan. Looking back, who better to practice and learn Tongan from than your own family.

After continued conversation, my Tongan Language professor asks me “Knowing what you know, what are you doing in your own household to teach your kids Tongan?” I had no good answer for him. Again, I’m embarrassed that I don’t know proper sentence structure or may be unfamiliar with certain names of verbs or nouns. I do teach them nouns and verbs that I do know. I speak a combination of English and Tongan to them (I affectionately call Tonglish) and they have done well with so far. I should, however, make more of an effort to speak more to my kids in Tongan. Speaking it in the house will help improve my Tongan as well as my kids. Lesson of the day, teach your kids what you know of your language. The ability to speak multiple languages, regardless of which language, can only help their ever growing brains.

A Void

It’s almost 1am on a Friday night. My wife and I are just hanging out. Since leaving FedEx 3 months ago, I’ve enjoyed staying up late with my love, and enjoying Saturday mornings with her, and greeting each of my kids as they wake up one by one.

My wife is currently watching the TV series ‘Army Wives’ on Netflix. Just watching this show brings back a flood of memories of my time in the Army. I miss the camaraderie of the Army. I miss the brotherhood. I miss the feeling of belonging to a team; of belonging to something bigger than myself. There are 3 things that I would die for: My religion, my family, and my country. I wanted so bad to be a part of something again. I wanted to do something that my family could be proud of. My kids have no memory of me in the Army as they were young towards the latter part of my military career.

I tried out for the Rugby team recently with the hopes of filling this void. I’m not a rugby player, and I offer no excuses. I just wasn’t good enough, and didn’t make the final cut. I’m not fit; I have little to no knowledge of the game. I’m ok with not making the cut, but the void is still there. Who knows, perhaps the team wouldn’t have filled anything. What I do know is I miss the Army life. I’m not sure if I miss it enough to dawn the uniform again, because the opportunity is still here to join the ROTC and become an Officer. I will say this; regardless of all of my shortcomings, and regardless of all the things that I am not, one thing that I know for sure, that I was…I was a good Soldier.

Provo Update

Well it’s been quite a while since last I’ve posted and I think it’s about time. It’s almost midnight here in Provo and my entire family is sound asleep behind me on the living room floor. Yes, Provo. We moved from our 5 bedroom 2 bath, two level, fully fenced in West Valley home, to a 3 bedroom 1 bath apartment of Wymount Terrace; part of Brigham Young University’s on campus family housing…and we love it! Not only are we saving hundreds of dollars on rent, but this means that we’re another step closer in our journey of education! To be honest with you, I would’ve never thought that I would ever be a student here! At BYU? And my baby sister is a Freshman here as well!

                I’m still at FedEx and hoping that a position opens up at the FedEx Orem location before classes start June 18^th. If not, FedEx and I may have to part ways. It’s a fantastic job, with great pay and benefits, and I’m very good at my job (Courier.) However, I will not let anything hold or delay my schooling even one semester, not even my job. We don’t have much time, we’re only getting older, and there will never be an “ideal” time to go to school. If we waited for the “right” time to go to school, we’d be waiting all our lives. It’s just something that you have to just jump into, literally a leap of faith.

                On that note, I have to say, we have been blessed immensely on this journey of education, and I can’t help but recognize our Heavenly Father’s hand in our lives every day! We have been blessed each step of the way! It seems that each time we’re in a difficult spot or situation, doors open and opportunities present themselves at just the right moment, that propel our little family in the direction that we should go!

                I have difficulty finding reasons why we have been blessed so much, and I can never put my finger on it. My family is in good health. We always have food on our table and clothes on our backs. Our vehicles run well, getting us from point A to B safely. Something I think about often, especially with the return of my younger brother Heikoti Lao from his 2 year LDS mission in Ft Worth TX, is the fact that I never went on a mission. It is said that the longer a Missionary works in the rain or the harder the Missionary works on his mission the more beautiful his wife will be. If beauty is what you’re looking for then that is fine and dandy. I did not serve an LDS Mission, yet I was blessed with a talented, hardworking, loving, nurturing, self-less, respectful, spiritual wife who pushes me to be a better Man each and every day!....not to mention she is gorgeous!

                Anyways, a brief update on our family: My oldest son Sateki just finished his first year of preschool and will be starting Kindergarten our here in Provo in the fall. Salote is 4 and will be starting preschool at the end of summer. Kime will be 3 in June and is a hilarious addition to our family. Heikoti is the baby of our family at 11 months, and is the Sunshine baby of our troops! We’re so excited to be here, and look forward to the coming years as we continue this difficult, struggling, student/family life and know that it will all be worth it in the end. Until next time, as always, have a blessed day! J

Kime Lao

The Sound that would forever Change My Life!

              A young, nervous couple, sit in patient room number 4. The beautiful young woman laying nervously on the patient bed, her hand off to the side, fingers interlaced with her husband to be. He holds her hand tightly, as an affirmation that everything will be ok. They gaze into each other’s eyes, and see the truth of the situation. They’re both unsure of the future ahead, and unsure of the obstacles that lay ahead of them. The only thing they are sure of, is they love each other more than they ever thought possible. No matter what life will throw at them, no matter what difficulties await them, no matter what obstacles lurk around the corner, they have each other. This is the only comfort they have right now. It’s the only comfort they need.

               

               The Mid wife walks in, smiles at the young, anxious couple and asks her young patient a few questions. Her questions are very frank, and she expects answers to be as well. Some questions feel rather personal, but that’s why the couple finds themselves in this room. Little do they know, these questions will later become ordinary and routine, and will not feel so uncomfortable in the near future.

                The Mid wife puts her gloves on, and removes a small bag containing some necessary tools. The young woman nervously looks at her Man, and he squeezes her hand with a little more pressure to assure her, he’s here and he’s not going anywhere. Sensing their uneasiness, the Mid wife reassures them, that she’s done this thousands of time. She’s been in this field for over 35 years, and to trust her, everything will be ok.

                A small speaker box is pulled out with a device on the end that looks like a microphone. She places a generous amount of blue gel on the end and warns the young woman that it will be cold for second, and then it will warm up. She places the receiver coated with gel, on the young woman’s belly and immediately inaudible sounds resonate from the speaker. Gently she moves the device up and down the belly and the sound from the speaker is similar to the open ocean. It’s almost calming. Then suddenly a thumping sound is heard.

                “Lub, dub. Lub, dub.”

                With great excitement the couple grin from ear to ear.

                “Is that….” The young woman begins.

                “Hang on now” the Mid wife interrupts “that’s the sound of your heartbeat.

                She continues to move the instrument around, this time pushing further down and with a little more force. She angles it downward, and pulls it at different angles like a professional treasure hunter looking meticulously for that hidden treasure that she knows is there, just beneath the surface concealed from the naked eye.

                Just then, a very faint a distinguished and much faster paced set of sounds appears.

                “Lub dub Lub dub Lub dub Lub dub.”

                “There it is!” The treasure hunter exclaims.  “That is your baby’s heart beat!”

                The couple starts to cry. Tears stream down both of their faces. The young father to be, stands up and embraces his Love. They weep uncontrollably in each other’s arms, amazed at the sound of this wonderful miracle being created in the womb of this loving mother. This child has no idea how excited his future parents are to hear his little heartbeat.

                This simple sound was a harmony that would change the course of my life. This sound would change me forever. I did not know then, that this would be the beginning of the most difficult, challenging, yet happiest, and fulfilling times of my life! Fatherhood, married life, and all the joys associated with it. I’m grateful to my wife, and our ever growing eternal family, for our humble beginnings, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!