A Void

It’s almost 1am on a Friday night. My wife and I are just hanging out. Since leaving FedEx 3 months ago, I’ve enjoyed staying up late with my love, and enjoying Saturday mornings with her, and greeting each of my kids as they wake up one by one.

My wife is currently watching the TV series ‘Army Wives’ on Netflix. Just watching this show brings back a flood of memories of my time in the Army. I miss the camaraderie of the Army. I miss the brotherhood. I miss the feeling of belonging to a team; of belonging to something bigger than myself. There are 3 things that I would die for: My religion, my family, and my country. I wanted so bad to be a part of something again. I wanted to do something that my family could be proud of. My kids have no memory of me in the Army as they were young towards the latter part of my military career.

I tried out for the Rugby team recently with the hopes of filling this void. I’m not a rugby player, and I offer no excuses. I just wasn’t good enough, and didn’t make the final cut. I’m not fit; I have little to no knowledge of the game. I’m ok with not making the cut, but the void is still there. Who knows, perhaps the team wouldn’t have filled anything. What I do know is I miss the Army life. I’m not sure if I miss it enough to dawn the uniform again, because the opportunity is still here to join the ROTC and become an Officer. I will say this; regardless of all of my shortcomings, and regardless of all the things that I am not, one thing that I know for sure, that I was…I was a good Soldier.

Provo Update

Well it’s been quite a while since last I’ve posted and I think it’s about time. It’s almost midnight here in Provo and my entire family is sound asleep behind me on the living room floor. Yes, Provo. We moved from our 5 bedroom 2 bath, two level, fully fenced in West Valley home, to a 3 bedroom 1 bath apartment of Wymount Terrace; part of Brigham Young University’s on campus family housing…and we love it! Not only are we saving hundreds of dollars on rent, but this means that we’re another step closer in our journey of education! To be honest with you, I would’ve never thought that I would ever be a student here! At BYU? And my baby sister is a Freshman here as well!

                I’m still at FedEx and hoping that a position opens up at the FedEx Orem location before classes start June 18^th. If not, FedEx and I may have to part ways. It’s a fantastic job, with great pay and benefits, and I’m very good at my job (Courier.) However, I will not let anything hold or delay my schooling even one semester, not even my job. We don’t have much time, we’re only getting older, and there will never be an “ideal” time to go to school. If we waited for the “right” time to go to school, we’d be waiting all our lives. It’s just something that you have to just jump into, literally a leap of faith.

                On that note, I have to say, we have been blessed immensely on this journey of education, and I can’t help but recognize our Heavenly Father’s hand in our lives every day! We have been blessed each step of the way! It seems that each time we’re in a difficult spot or situation, doors open and opportunities present themselves at just the right moment, that propel our little family in the direction that we should go!

                I have difficulty finding reasons why we have been blessed so much, and I can never put my finger on it. My family is in good health. We always have food on our table and clothes on our backs. Our vehicles run well, getting us from point A to B safely. Something I think about often, especially with the return of my younger brother Heikoti Lao from his 2 year LDS mission in Ft Worth TX, is the fact that I never went on a mission. It is said that the longer a Missionary works in the rain or the harder the Missionary works on his mission the more beautiful his wife will be. If beauty is what you’re looking for then that is fine and dandy. I did not serve an LDS Mission, yet I was blessed with a talented, hardworking, loving, nurturing, self-less, respectful, spiritual wife who pushes me to be a better Man each and every day!....not to mention she is gorgeous!

                Anyways, a brief update on our family: My oldest son Sateki just finished his first year of preschool and will be starting Kindergarten our here in Provo in the fall. Salote is 4 and will be starting preschool at the end of summer. Kime will be 3 in June and is a hilarious addition to our family. Heikoti is the baby of our family at 11 months, and is the Sunshine baby of our troops! We’re so excited to be here, and look forward to the coming years as we continue this difficult, struggling, student/family life and know that it will all be worth it in the end. Until next time, as always, have a blessed day! J

Kime Lao

The Sound that would forever Change My Life!

              A young, nervous couple, sit in patient room number 4. The beautiful young woman laying nervously on the patient bed, her hand off to the side, fingers interlaced with her husband to be. He holds her hand tightly, as an affirmation that everything will be ok. They gaze into each other’s eyes, and see the truth of the situation. They’re both unsure of the future ahead, and unsure of the obstacles that lay ahead of them. The only thing they are sure of, is they love each other more than they ever thought possible. No matter what life will throw at them, no matter what difficulties await them, no matter what obstacles lurk around the corner, they have each other. This is the only comfort they have right now. It’s the only comfort they need.

               

               The Mid wife walks in, smiles at the young, anxious couple and asks her young patient a few questions. Her questions are very frank, and she expects answers to be as well. Some questions feel rather personal, but that’s why the couple finds themselves in this room. Little do they know, these questions will later become ordinary and routine, and will not feel so uncomfortable in the near future.

                The Mid wife puts her gloves on, and removes a small bag containing some necessary tools. The young woman nervously looks at her Man, and he squeezes her hand with a little more pressure to assure her, he’s here and he’s not going anywhere. Sensing their uneasiness, the Mid wife reassures them, that she’s done this thousands of time. She’s been in this field for over 35 years, and to trust her, everything will be ok.

                A small speaker box is pulled out with a device on the end that looks like a microphone. She places a generous amount of blue gel on the end and warns the young woman that it will be cold for second, and then it will warm up. She places the receiver coated with gel, on the young woman’s belly and immediately inaudible sounds resonate from the speaker. Gently she moves the device up and down the belly and the sound from the speaker is similar to the open ocean. It’s almost calming. Then suddenly a thumping sound is heard.

                “Lub, dub. Lub, dub.”

                With great excitement the couple grin from ear to ear.

                “Is that….” The young woman begins.

                “Hang on now” the Mid wife interrupts “that’s the sound of your heartbeat.

                She continues to move the instrument around, this time pushing further down and with a little more force. She angles it downward, and pulls it at different angles like a professional treasure hunter looking meticulously for that hidden treasure that she knows is there, just beneath the surface concealed from the naked eye.

                Just then, a very faint a distinguished and much faster paced set of sounds appears.

                “Lub dub Lub dub Lub dub Lub dub.”

                “There it is!” The treasure hunter exclaims.  “That is your baby’s heart beat!”

                The couple starts to cry. Tears stream down both of their faces. The young father to be, stands up and embraces his Love. They weep uncontrollably in each other’s arms, amazed at the sound of this wonderful miracle being created in the womb of this loving mother. This child has no idea how excited his future parents are to hear his little heartbeat.

                This simple sound was a harmony that would change the course of my life. This sound would change me forever. I did not know then, that this would be the beginning of the most difficult, challenging, yet happiest, and fulfilling times of my life! Fatherhood, married life, and all the joys associated with it. I’m grateful to my wife, and our ever growing eternal family, for our humble beginnings, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

Sea of Uncertainty

              With a few moments to myself, in an empty house, I feel the need to write a few lines, while these emotions are fresh. I just left our Stake Presidents’ office to complete the last part of my application to BYU! Tomorrow morning the U of U is holding an open house for transfer students from SLCC. I will be attending that as well, just in case I don’t get accepted to the Y.

                I feel that because I want so badly to get into the Y, I won’t. Just because. It’s just my luck to get accepted to Universities around the world (even though I haven’t applied anywhere else, mysteriously acceptance letters would fill my mailbox in the coming weeks) and the school that I so desperately hope to get into, rejects me.

                Against the advice of so many people in the medical field, to just give up on the Y and go to the U because there I will have opportunities to meet and rub shoulders with people in the Medical field that can help further my career aspirations. Against the advice of so many, to just give up on childhood dreams and silly football loyalties of going to the Y, and do the smart thing, stay in your comfort zone, go to the U, stay in Salt Lake,  get a great education from an awesome school and still live here in Salt Lake. Against all of this, for some reason beyond explanation, I want so badly to go to the Y. It isn’t because of childhood dreams of playing football for the Cougars, or loyalty to my family’s “team.” I wish I could explain it…but I simply can’t.

                Perhaps it’s for exactly all the opposite reasons why I should stay here and go to the U. Maybe I want to get out of Salt Lake, live in a tiny apartment with my family of 6, and struggle through college. Maybe I don’t want to meet and rub shoulders with individuals of the medical field that can help me get into the program I want. Maybe I want to run away from Here, and disappear in Utah County and re-emerge years later as a successful man. In whatever career I happen to choose throughout these next crucial two years. To be completely honest, these uncharted waters I am leading my family into scare me so much, I have difficulty sleeping at night, wondering if I’m making the right decisions. The decisions I choose now, not only affect me, but they affect my entire little family! That type of responsibility, that type of weight on one man’s shoulders is enough to make one physically weak. And hopefully bring him to his knees. In prayer.

                I can’t tell you how scared I am of the unknown path we’re on or where we’re headed. I can’t tell you how unsure I am of what I want to do when I grow up, or how I plan to support my family as we grow older. I can talk all day long, of my plan B’s and my plan C’s or plan D & E if those all fail, but I can’t, for the life of me, tell you what my plan A is. All I do know, is I want to go to college, and further my education. I hope to find out what I want to do during these last two years of college. I know that I want a career that will allow my wife to never have to work again, and allow me time to spend with my kids. I don’t care about money or material things, as I did not have those things growing up. Driving a beautiful foreign car, or having a vacation home in the tropics doesn’t appeal to me. All I want is more time with my family.

                The one thing that helps me through this sea of doubt, is my wife and the anchor she is for me. Where ever this crazy road takes us, which ever career path we end up at, we will be in this together. Throughout this difficult time, throughout the stresses of school and work, her smile alone brings a calm and serenity to this sea of doubt that I cannot explain. I’m positive she has no idea how much I love to come home to her smiling face, and to be greeted by my crazy kids running from their room to hug me at the door. In this sea of uncertainty, my precious cargo, my family, will anchor me through the storm.

Medicinal use of Sprite

    Tongans use many different "home remedies" to fix injuries and ailments from broken bones to burns and scrapes; from the common cold and flu to migraine headaches to sore muscles and joints. Growing up I can think of several different occasions where these "home remedies" where used on myself and my siblings. Many times, I thought they were completely ridiculous, but our Tongan Elders swore by these remedies.

    One time my older brother Sateki, was skateboarding down a very steep hill, behind my grandparents' house and he hit a rock and flew off the board. He landed on his back and slid several feet before grinding to a halt, sustaining serious road rash injuries to his shoulders and back. We rushed him to our grandmother's house and immediately she pulls out a stick of butter, and begins generously applying the butter all over my brothers' roadrashed back. He screamed out in pain, but obediently allowed my grandmother to finish the application of the entire stick of butter. Later in life, as we grow and learn about injuries and how the body heals itself during traumatic injury, I learned that applying generous amounts of butter directly onto an open wound, such as road rash, is exactly would you should never do! My grandma is so funny!

    Many of us have horror stories of dislocating a joint such as a hip or shoulder, or spraining an ankle or knee. The Tongan remedy for this is to be taken to a trained individual such as a chiropractor or other joint specialist, but not really trained in a traditional chiropractor school; more of a talent or specific knowledge passed on from one generation to the next. These Tongan massage therapists fota or "massage" the affected or injured areas and cause a great deal of pain to the individual. I will say, I was a skeptic of this practice at first, until I saw first-hand, someone with sore joints and muscles walk out of the session pain free.

    Anyway, the Tongan "home remedy" I seem to have remembered the most from my own childhood, is the remedy used to cure upset stomach, and the stomach flu. As a child, I can remember coughing so bad that I would begin to vomit. When I would have food poisoning or the stomach flu, I can remember the same remedy being applied to help cure this as well. A Super Big Gulp of Sprite! Yes, I can remember staying home from school because I was vomiting the night before, and my mother buying me my very own Super Big Gulp of Sprite, and it was made known, that this Sprite was only for me and no one else was allowed to touch it! I'm not sure if the carbonation or the lemon-lime flavor actually cures upset stomach, but for some reason it always helped me feel better. I can remember feeling special knowing that the Super Big Gulp in the fridge was only mine. I felt special staying home from school, watching cartoons sippin' on this magical elixir.

    Now that I have kids of my own, I see myself using some of these "home remedies" with my kids. Although I haven't used a stick of butter on my children's open wounds yet, I have run to the store in the middle of the night, on several occasions to buy my kids a Super Big Gulp of Sprite. I sit them on the couch with a warm blanket around them, turn the TV to the Cartoon Network and make sure everyone in the house knows, the Sprite in the fridge is only for the sick kid. I make them feel special, like my mom did to me, and within a day, the vomiting stops, and which ever ailment they were suffering from is completely gone. This is the widely used, but largely unknown Medicinal use of Sprite. J